Sometimes I just stop and ask myself, “What the hell is going on with the world?”  Maybe it’s the same now as it was when I was a kid, but it sure doesn’t seem like it.  It seems faster paced.  Everything has to be instant.  Heat up your meals on the go, drinkable meals on the go, drive-thru everything!  Where’s everyone going?  It’s like Brooke stated in his letter in The Shawshank Redemption, “The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry.”  Isn’t that the truth?  I often wonder why some of the things that we accept these days as being normal, weren’t accepted back in the 50’s and before that.  Maybe it’s because as generations pass, the current generation of kids won’t stand up and say no to something.  Maybe that’s why the world is becoming more corrupt? 

Another thing I just don’t understand is people.  People in general are just strange, that’s all there is to it.  I’ve tried to analyze.  I’ve tried to watch people, I’ve done experiments, and I just can’t figure it out.  What do people want out of life?  Do most of them even know why we are here?  Do most of them even care?  These are questions that I’ve always sought the answer to, but never figured out.  I sometimes feel like I am the only sane person on the planet.  Maybe that’s not right, but I really do.  Is it me or has the world become more superficial?  Have they become so engrossed with self-image, and insecurity, that it has taken over?  It really aggravates me.  It makes me bitter, and it shouldn’t.  Something so small should not lay such a burden on an already troubled mind.

Ever considered the reason that certain people conflict? There is someone that I know, that I absolutely cannot stand. For me that is a rarity, I promise. I get along with 99% of the people that I meet, even if they have faults. But this person, I cannot look passed their issues. I don’t say it arrogantly, only frustratingly. It is so annoying to me, because honestly, I want to like them. Don’t worry though; it won’t be anyone that reads this blog, so you’re safe. But it’s another one of those eternal struggles. I want to do my best to, not necessarily be a friend to this girl, but at least an acquaintance. Generally the people I see everyday I can deal with, but I’m having issues. And the bad thing about it is, that I’m forced to be a rude person to them. I mean generally I may be sarcastic/humorous, but I find myself saying very offensive things to this person. And here’s the conflict: The reason I do it is because I know it bothers her. It angers me so much that she gets offended, I must continue. 

So that raises the question: What makes us do things like this? What causes personality conflict? Normally I would say that two people that are very similar would conflict, but I am nothing like this person. Freud would probably say that we are so alike that I can’t see it, but I would have to disagree. One thing that puzzles me is how we can all be unique. That has always amazed me about the human mind. Although so uniform and alike, we still possess the ability to be different. So back to the topic, why do we conflict? That’s a very good question indeed. I definitely don’t have the answer, only theories, and I’m still not dead-on with those I’m sure.

How dedicated are we? As friends, or even as lovers? How much dedication do we give others, and how much do they expect? Have you ever wondered why people expect something, but really don’t think they owe you anything? It’s crossed my mind before, and rarely has it happened. But when I say rarely, that doesn’t mean it’s never happened. But the thing is, there have been times in my life (and I know that almost everyone can relate to this) when people let me down. Even people that I thought I could count on. Or maybe they changed on me. Ever had that happen? A person is one way for the longest time, and then they seem to completely change personalities. I can’t really grasp that concept; I don’t see how people can do that. I mean life is life, our personalities are who we are, and I mean I understand that people change in time, (I.E. become more mature, improve certain aspects, live and learn)but is that really a valid excuse for poor and/or different attitudes?

A topic change: I’ve been observing the general populace of Jones, specifically students in the lab, and I notice that they are generally either stupid, or don’t pay attention. I watch people walk in my room, and spend maybe twenty or thirty minutes working on essays, research, or whatever. Then, they get up, and walk out the door, and they forget which way they came in. And I can understand that if it’s maybe the first time they’ve come in the lab, but I’ve seen people that I know for a fact have been here before, do that. That just doesn’t make sense to me. And I realize that’s not really intelligence, it’s probably more awareness than anything, but still. I don’t think there is a drive, as humans, to better ourselves. And that’s kind of worrisome. Now see to me it’s a conflict. Because I observe humans now opposed to thousands of years ago, and, just as even a child could state, we have become much smarter. Observe our technological advances, I mean it’s incredible. So why is this knowledge not applied to everyday life? Maybe it’s just the people where I live? And I know I’ve touched on this before, but I honestly believe that the world has become more inconsiderate since I was a kid. It seems to me, thinking back, that people used to smile a lot more. Maybe it’s just the fact that I was a kid, but who knows? And I know smiling isn’t that big of an issue, but more or less what I’m trying to say is, that it’s a mentality that people have.

There is definitely something missing in my life. I feel some type of void that I can’t fill. I don’t know what it is. It isn’t the void of a relationship; it isn’t the void of a religion; it isn’t the void of friendship. I don’t know what it is. But for the last week I’ve felt it. Something is just not there. I feel almost restless, like there is something I could/should be doing, but I can’t. I can’t fill that need, whatever it may be. I get to a point where I am stir crazy. Maybe it’s that I’m not in school? I really don’t know. I can’t explain it, but I wish I could put a stop to it. Oh well.

Well, the new year, finally. How exciting, I must say. Now I have to deal with accidentally putting 2005 on everything until at least June. Yep, so much fun. Work starts back Thursday for me. So fun. I’m just so excited about everything in my life lately. Ok if you can’t tell, that’s sarcasm. It’s not true. Kelsey’s life once seemed so exciting, but lately it has come to a standstill. Why I wonder? I have no clue. I watch my friends come in and out of my life. Where do they go I wonder? Maybe there’s some type of room labeled the “missing friend room,” and when I haven’t heard from them in a couple of weeks, I could go there and find them?

Have you ever stopped and thought about how far you would go, for something you believe in? Where do we “draw the line?” I don’t know if that makes sense reading it, but think about it. To what extremes are you willing to take, to fight for what you want, or even need? That’s such a stereotypical Kelsey question isn’t it? I’m sick of those. What’s his deal anyway?

Ok so why are memories so much more enjoyable much later? Does that make sense? I’m listening to a song right now, and it reminds me of the summer of 2005. The summer of 2005 wasn’t horrible for me, but it wasn’t the best either. I would give it a 6 out of 10 on my summer scale. No I don’t have one of those for real, I just made it up. But really, I’m listening to something that reminds me of when Jonathan, Jill, Lindsay, and I were hanging out. At times I didn’t think it was a pleasant experience. But you see, now I listen to the song, and it’s cool. I am reminded of that situation, but it doesn’t bother me. I don’t feel sad or mad, or any of the emotions I felt at the time. I look on it with fond memories, not necessarily because I miss it though. Believe me I’m glad all that is over, but because I guess it had an impact on my life.